The Legal Janitor

I’m the boy who was born a rascal, and has yet to grow out of it.

I’m the boy whose parents found him a terror, because they couldn’t decide to be laugh or be angry when he’s naughty.

I’m the boy who first started flirting at kindergarten.

I’m the boy who, at 6 years old, had his first kiss. The girl was the principal’s grand-daughter.

I’m the boy who always bugged grandpa for money to buy sweets when picking him up from primary school.

I’m the boy who wanted to go to English High, but ended up in Chinese Institution instead because his parents were afraid he’d become a ‘kin jio’ (banana - yellow skin, but white inside). Somehow that didn’t seem to help.

I’m the boy who stupidly dyed his hair burgundy red, thinking it wouldn’t be detectable. It turned a bright gold after swimming classes the next day. The result was one year’s worth of ‘lao gai’ 劳改 (gulag labour) at the school gym.

I’m the boy who didn’t have friends in Secondary School, because he didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.

I’m the boy who didn’t have male friends in Junior College, because he didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.

I’m the boy who discovered in JC that brown sugar is so much sweeter after 4 years of seeing only Chinese faces.

I’m the boy who spent 2 years in Junior College doing nothing. The only saving grace was an inspirational GP tutor who recommended The Economist for brain-food.

I’m the boy who lost all faith in communitarianism during NS, when he discovered what it meant to lose free will and self-determination.

I’m the boy who called you a chipmunk the first time I saw you. I failed to realise that you gave me a stare of annoyance and disdain in return.

I’m the boy who turned up three and a half hours late for our first official date. To this day I’m still amazed that you waited.

I’m the boy who got you birthday presents only 2 out of the 6 years we were together.

I’m the boy whose greatest achievement in life so far has been to win your heart.

I’m the boy who failed you, because I’m not able to give you happiness.

I’m the boy who dreams of so much, and yet has done so little.

I’m the boy who fears he embodies the very things which he has committed himself to fight against.

Those who wish to follow me
I welcome with my hands
And the red sun sinks at last into the hills of gold
And peace to this young warrior without the sound of guns

I’m that boy, still trying to find himself. Who are you?

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